Fools
by CourtyardGarden
Summary: Fighting at a very young age has left the pilots with serious mental issues. Especially Duo and Heero seem to have a long hard road in front of them.


A/N: Some people say, writing is the best way to revise old stuff - like unpleasant memories - in your head and then get rid of it. Well, I certainly won't get rid of my memories like this. But it helps to look at things from a different angle. I leave it to your imagination to decide what is fact and what is fiction. If I told you, you wouldn't believe me anyways. :-P :-D By the way, I'm planning on writing a ridiculous number of chapters. But before I can do that, I need to know your opinion about my choice of AU. I felt like fitting my personal experience into the Gundam universe, but the story would work without that, too. The boys only would certainly do. ;-) My life could give the plot quite some interesting cliffhangers. ;-) But have mercy, please, if it takes me some time to post updates. Real life is rather busy... And this is my first fic! ^ ^ R&R PLEASE! 3

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam-boys. *sigh*

Warnings: Yaoi, AU, OOC, Duo POV (changes possible), angst, language, mental disorders, alcoholism

Pairings: 2x1, 3x4, 5x? (scanning my memories for a good OC) changes possible!

Fools Prelude

What a nightmare! I think, I got my first grey hair that night... As if I hadn't told him! Like about a million freaking times! I could do this, I told myself. Well, I had to, since I didn't want to lose him and/or my sanity. But I should have seen it coming, right? I knew about the side affects. Basically, the usual stories everybody hears of once in their life. That alcohol makes you do and say stupid things. Well, much later I would see stupid as a complete understatement. Then there was the all-time-hit 'Alcohol can be addictive!'. But besides couple of pretty scary signs of withdrawal one morning in his old apartment, I hadn't encountered anything like this with Heero.

Well, THIS happened on a late evening in February on the second floor of our little house. He was pissed nearly everyday then. We had had one of our daily fights with the consistent result of no result at all. To any outsider it must have looked like we were trying to slowly drive each other insane. Heero had gone up to take a nap - as usual - and I had retreated to our tiny living room to sit and cry in silence. I had to think about many things, whenever I sat there at the low table, my face buried in my hands, feeling utterly alone and useless. Some thoughts concluded that the only way to deal with all this was to cross the train truck not far from our house - with bars closed. Others suggested taking up on drinking myself. The latter made me laugh at times, though. For their joke-of-fate-ness.

After what felt like hours, I finally got to my feet. I just had to go and try one more time to talk some sense into this guy, no matter the outcome. As I walked the short distance between table, staircase and the first step up, I felt I should hurry. Not really easy, if you have big Caucasian feet, while the steps are made for tiny Asian ones. I took the stairs in three long steps and stood before the closed sliding door. It was creepy. Like there was some green monster in there. Yeah, Hulk had come to visit us! Ok, that was flat, but it served its purpose - encouragement... There was rattling on the other side. He was awake, it seemed. More creepiness. I had been expecting him to be sleeping like a dead man. I opened the door halfway and was presented with the reason for my suspicion. Heero was on his futon on all fours. He was patting his pillow as if looking for something he obviously couldn't find. The windows had been shuttered, making the room completely dark. Only the light from the stairway somewhat illuminated it.

"What are you doing there?" I asked him. Heero didn't answer. I sat knelt down in front of him, grabbing one of his hands, and asked again, "Heero, what the hell are you doing there?" He froze, but didn't look up.

"Duo?" his voice sounded hoarse and slurred, "'M lookin' for the light switch." I followed his unspoken request, got up and turned the Japanese-style ceiling lamp on. But that didn't seem to satisfy him. Still not looking up, he continued to fumble around.

"Well, you can stop looking for it now. I think, it's bright enough like this." That should have been his line, since I wasn't all that stingy about utilities.

"What d' you mean? Can't see anything," he protested.

I waved my hand in front of his face. And he was right. Shit! Damn shit! My eyes nearly popped out of my face at that realization. This was joke, I told myself. And a bad one at that. This couldn't be happening! I grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Heero?" my voice became louder, "I'm right here. In front of you!"

I thought he was shivering, and suddenly realized that I was the one shaking like a leaf. I took my hands away to rest on one and ran the other over my face. I could do this, I told myself. But apparently, my mind had other plans. The exaggerating side of me saw its chance and took over. A horrifying scenario danced before my eyes - Heero crying at a doctor's office, Heero never regaining his eyesight again, blind and devastated Heero hit by a car, the others and I standing by his grave... No, wait! Stop!

"Hey!" a small voice said, "I'm not deaf yet."

Oh, so I had said that aloud again. Great... Heero grinned at me. Obviously, he wasn't bothered by this at all. I couldn't decide whether to pity or to envy him. His level of ignorance was mind-blowing. Since I was the only sober person in the house now, I had to make all important decisions. And I had to carry full responsibility, too. Awesome... For a short moment I asked myself, why I was putting up with any of this. I wished my sorry ass to somewhere very far away. Why not a different dimension? But one without alcohol! Unfortunately, there was no time for wishful thinking now. What was I to do? We couldn't go to any doctor in town without Heero making a scene and fighting with any treatment with tooth and nail. The best way for now seemed to try and show him how dangerous this was. Had he finally caused irreversible damage?

TBC

Note: My first fanfic EVER! R&R please!


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